How I overcame the Imposter Syndrome

Do you remember the video game among us? The game was about a group of players and one among the group was an imposter. The imposter disguised themselves as an ally but had their own motive in the game. Let's talk about a psychological condition called the imposter syndrome and how to overcome these feelings. There are many kinds of imposters. Two types mentioned in today's blog are those who use their talents and skills as masks and those who mask away from their intelligence and talents.

I had to take a break from social media earlier in the week. It was just getting on my nerves! Noticing other people's success was driving me crazy, and not in a jealous way, I was truly happy for their accomplishments. But the longer I dwelled on it, the more thoughts began to run through my mind. And for a quick moment, I started to question myself and felt like I was not doing enough, and that I wasn't as qualified as others. I began to feel like I was an imposter. I was beginning to feel this way for many factors: likes, my own fears, followers, and pictures of people living the life that I dream of. But God reminded me that everyone on this earth is on their own journey. Their timeline is going to be different from mine. So I shouldn't worry nor should I think I am inadequate. All I need to do is simply just continue doing the best that I can do, and trust God in my life. The definition of imposter syndrome states, "Imposter syndrome is the internal psychological experience of feeling like a phony in some area of your life, despite any success that you have achieved in that area." According to Arlin Cucin. Imposter Syndrome Article

What is it??

The key word in the definition above is psychological experience. In other words, it's all in your head. a perceived narration that is concluded by your own self-doubt. Because this condition is based on social achievements and one's own value of success, it's not diagnosed as a mental health issue. The good news is it can be cured. The way you view yourself and your level of success is in your control. 

Imposter syndrome is when you feel like a fraud in any area of your life. Feeling like a fraud can be that you don't see yourself as authentic enough. This can be in the workplace, in your family,  in finances, love life or social media life. It's looking at a set standard and comparing yourself to those standards. Whether it's an unspoken rule that you created or society has created. It's believed that success was determined by pure luck or divine timing and not by hard work and dedication. 

Some traits: Self-doubt, fear, low self-esteem, perfectionism, and self-efficacy. 

Why do we feel this way?

answer to the question is simply because we may feel like we don't measure up. Going back to the example of why I needed to take a break from social media. Because I was comparing myself to someone else, I felt like I didn't measure up. Because someone else is farther along in the journey than “I would like to be”. I put that in quotation to show that it is what I perceive, it is what I expect of myself, and because I felt like that, I was feeling like I was a fraud. It's also rooted in the need to have everything perfect. Once you realize that everything doesn't need to be perfect and mapped out, you can just let life flow. The deep desire to have everything aligned perfectly goes back to the type A personality. Always excelling in school, sports, or in career. Wanting to be successful, and if something was not a success then you felt like a failure. This is rooted in usually not being seen or heard unless it has to do with accolades. Maybe this was your family dynamic if it wasn't about sports, then it wasn't important, if it wasn't about following the family business, then who cares? This type of unhealthy environment eventually results in one feeling inadequate and having a deep depression.

How do we overcome Imposter Syndrome??

 The first thing about how I overcame imposter syndrome is by reminding myself just how awesome I am. I can remind myself of my accomplishments through physical evidence or by jotting them down on a piece of paper.  I was able to see the progress I had made. I ask myself this question: am I proud of the work I have done? If the answer is yes, then  I applaud myself for what I have already accomplished so far. The second question I asked was Who was with me in the process of accomplishing this goal? Many people will encourage you and support you, but when it comes to the actual point of completing a task, it is entirely on your performance. For instance, if you study hard for a test, you can have tutors and encouragers. But you will be the only one taking that exam. Whether you pass or fail the test is on no one but yourself. A part of imposter syndrome is feeling like one has reached a level of success by deceiving others that one's intelligence is different than it appears. So, asking yourself who was with you when accomplishing the goal or project helps to put yourself in check. 

I  also gave myself some grace to be imperfect. No one is perfect, and I am definitely flawed, so accepting that and loving those flaws is what keeps me true to myself. If you are surrounded by someone better in a certain area, learn to draw on that strength, use it for your benefit, and learn from it in ways you can improve yourself from a healthy space. Not in a jealous way that leads you to feel pressured and engage in performing wars. Everyone is different, and we all bring unique gifts and talents to the table. We are supposed to work together. Working together alleviates the pressure on just one person being an overachiever. 

I learned to be aware when I was speaking negative talk to myself and feeling anxious. When I would see someone else showing their success on the gram. I started to compare it to my life. That is when self-doubt and negative talk start to kick in. Maybe I can do more, or maybe I am doing everything I can in this season and I need to give a little grace to myself. Stop having this expectation that you should reach a certain level. Because at the end of the day who are you living for? God or for social media? Are you feeling like an imposter because you want to keep up with the Jones when, in actuality, you have no idea what actually goes behind their doors? 

Don't downplay your intelligence. You're too smart and too talented to continue to let fear and insecurity keep you from shining. 

Key takeaways:

1. Reflection- Reflecting on my accomplishments and being proud of them(not crediting it to luck or other people)

2. Working together- Leaning on the strengths and weaknesses of your friends or co-workers can be a benefit. Ir helps with the need for perfectionism and feeling pressured to do everything yourself.

3. Therapy- Some things need another's perspective and the root cause of why you feel this way.

4. Grace to be imperfect- Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes, the things you want take a little longer than others. But delay is not denied. Enjoy the process as you reach your goals! 

You're not an imposter, you're not a phony, you're not a fake. You're the real thing, baby!. I see you, the real you. I don't see you only because you made great grades, I don't see you because you make a ton of money,  I don't see you because you have a bunch of followers. I see you because of your imperfections. I see your heart. You have done well in life, and I am proud of you. But remember to be proud of your success. You worked hard for it, and you accomplished it because God gave you the skills, talents, and consistency that have brought you this far. But just because you have excelled,d that is not there is to you. You are so much more than your accomplishments. I want you to find that person and love that person. I did! 

Love,

Mahalia 💛💛